questionswould you marry someone of a different race or…

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why would I marry someone who isn't a member of the human race?

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@kamikazeken: Sorry if I was unclear. Race, means, in this instance....African American, Hispanic White, Asian...and so on. But you knew that, didn't you? You're so cute when you do this.

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No. But I wouldn't get married to someone with the same race and same religion either.

Until I can see some benefit to getting married, it's off the table for anyone.

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No. My wife would be pretty upset.

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I have. I married a Catholic. Didn't work out so well, but not because of the difference in religion (I was raised Baptist).

It is the person they are, not what they look like for me. My husband and I are from different generations. Does that count? He is 18 years older than me.

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It has worked for me and my wife ( a human) for over 20 years. Incidentally, for the last 9 years I have been performing marriage ceremonies and the majority of them are mixed religion pairings. Only one has ended in divorce. Social evolution in action!

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I'm already married to someone with the same race and belief system. So the rest is hypothetical.

It's not a different race that would make it difficult, but entirely different cultural backgrounds that would require a lot of work/learning. And if your cultural backgrounds are as different as your race, there might be a lot of expectations you have of the other person that doesn't make sense in their culture. I wouldn't care what anyone else thinks, though.

The term "religion" is quite loaded. The difference between Catholic or Protestant are really mostly doctrinal issues, but the same core belief. It's bad enough that the two groups had to break up in the first place.

But if you have a Christian belief, then you ought not to be "unequally yoked." You could say that you could work out a marriage anyway, but you would be elevating that relationship above one that should be most important to you. But if you're Christian by name only, it doesn't really matter what you do.

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kicks rocks Shucks guys, I just want to be married. cries in the corner

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Absolutely on ethnicity/race--my exes make up a veritable United Nations, and anything less would be silly. Why limit oneself on superficialities? On the other hand, religion (in my case, the lack of) is incredibly important to me, as I feel quite strongly on the subject and that informs my life thoroughly. I don't think I could be with someone so intimately when we differ so fundamentally philosophically, but I don't actually know as I've never tried. So, never say never!

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Did (the religion thing). And we've been married for 34 years next week.

Wouldn't change a thing. Period.

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Does marrying a red head count?

Joking aside, I think your logic is inherently flawed. You say the "person" is important, not their religion, race, ethnicity, etc. If you remove all that you don't have the person any more.

The question itself is more saying, "would you leave your comfort zone to have a relationship with someone that is different from you?" I think that there are many potential partners I could find that are out of my comfort zone, but I doubt any of them would be of a different religion. There are some things that I think are necessary for a successful relationship and the moral foundation of the same religion is one of the most important.

However I ask again, does marrying a red head count?

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Dated different races, married into a different religion 30+ years ago. The different religion is tougher to deal with sometimes, but it's lasted 33 years.
It's been said that you need to marry who's intellectually compatible, and, while I'll agree, I'd add tolerant to that.
Change is inevitable, just don't try to force it- roll with it.

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If you love someone, you'll make any compromise to be with them. If you're unwilling to make that compromise, or it's even something you have to consider, then you're not truly in love.

Religion and ethnic background should in no way should change the way you feel about someone.

I'm not religious. I may even lean more towards atheism than agnostic in recent years. However, my wife perhaps leans more towards agnostic. She and I came from entirely different backgrounds. I'm a good ol' southern boy from a low-income family, and she was a Northern California girl from a wealthy family. I still think the reason it works so well between us is because we go out of our way to accommodate the other's needs and wants. We compromise on everything until we come to agreements. I think that's what it takes for a marriage to work. I love her to pieces and she seems to return that sentiment. It wouldn't matter to me if she were a green Martian that believed in Apollo, I'd still make it work.

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@nmchapma: Beat me to it! DH would frown on me marrying someone else. I guess the law would, too.

@pyxientx: Similar situation here. Born and raised Baptist (hard shell). Married a Catholic. Of course, in South Louisiana most folks ARE Catholic so I'm pretty much surrounded. Despite coming up through the Catholic school system here, DH isn't much of a Catholic, and I am much too liberal to remain a hard shell Baptist, so religion hasn't been much of an issue. Other challenges have been tougher over our 23 years of marriage. His family is, as my mother says, "the country club type" while mine are farm stock (REAL country, not country club). That has been interesting. DD is facing a similar challenge with her fiance. Totally different family backgrounds.

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Yes. Unless they REALLY believed in the religious folklore. I couldn't be with someone who actually believed in fairytales and talked to an invisible man in the clouds. I need someone who can think rationally.

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@bsmith1: And this is why religion is a tough topic to discuss. I am now offended. That really wasn't necessary.

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@blgauthier: Sorry! I guess I should have said I'm open-minded, but I couldn't deal with the practices of a truly devote follower. I respect your beliefs, just not enough to marry you. :)

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What is this a dating website now? and Yes

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Race doesn't matter.

Religion does. It's part of the core of who I am, so it's unconscionable to disagree with my spouse on something that defines me so intimately. To me it's not about expanded experiences or something, it's about fundamental agreement on fundamental issues, so that we can face life together.

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@bsmith1: And um... yeah, the very wide brush being applied here raises larger questions than the smear attack you're trying to levy.

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Would I marry someone of another race/religion... I'd have to say yes to the latter, but I'm on the ledge about the former.

While race doesn't matter to me, I grew up in a very rural area and went to school with a kid that was mixed-race. He was picked on and bullied for it, even though he was very down to earth & a good kid. Since I'd seen it first hand and know how bad it can be, I don't know if I'd want mixed-race kids knowing that they would most likely be picked on as I still live in the same rural area.

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Mmmmm black chicks. Yes yes and yes.

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@cengland0: I'm with you! I have been dating for 30 years and have not found one good reason to take the plunge.

I have had more issues with dating men of a different political party than race or religion!

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Depends on your religious beliefs. If you are a Christian you are called to follow Christ with your life. That means being involved with someone who is not also following Christ is only going to prevent you from growing closer to God.

I can't speak for other religions and their way of marriage. I can only say (being a Christ follower) that if you are a Christian seeking after God, only a person with the same pursuit of God will be able to fully support you and walk with you.

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I live in place where people's interpretation of religion is used to justify hate of others. You would have to be incredibly sane and reasonable to want to marry someone of a different race, religion, social status, sexual orientation etc. If you do, be ready to grow a pair, because you will be rejected by your friends/family/church/community.

Finding a partner to love you for life is very hard. Limiting yourself to one particular group of potential mates lowers your chances of finding someone. It also limits the gene pool, which desperately needs help.

So, would I do it? Yes, in a heartbeat.

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@alexbogues: I would also like to add:
I do mind what other religions, or people with no religion do. Everyone has free will enjoy life and live your life according to what you believe or do not believe. I do not care if you are getting married and are gay, it does not effect my life. Be happy, live how you want, I am only speaking in my post from a Christian perspective.

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Me = Super Atheist / Conservativeish Libertarian / White / Technology job
Her = Theist / Bleeding Heart / Native American / Lawyer

I'm pretty sure we couldn't be more opposite. The horror movies she likes vs. explosions & aliens for me. Homebody me not wanting to hang out at her social butterfly lawyer parties. She has tattoos, I would never get one.

But as much as I don't believe in supernatural anything, I have to admit we are soul mates.

We have been happily married 15 years and have two relatively normal children. I miss her during the day when I am at work.

Find someone you truly love and everything else will work itself out.

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Maybe a good question to add in here would be -- what would be a deal breaker for you ?

All that stuff, no big deal. But love me love my pets.
I hate when I hear of people dumping pets, with the "my finance/ new spouse doesn't like/is allergic"
Hello. Didn't you know this out when you started dating ?
Never met someone worth giving up my dog for. They don't exist.

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Wonderful, very interesting and diverse responses! Thank all of you for your replies. And honesty. Appreciated!

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@xarous: I just want to be married too. /comfort

My preferences? I think personality is more important. Do you make me laugh? Can we have serious conversations? Can we disagree without things turning nasty? This is what I look for. Religion might play into it because I've found in my experience that religious people just aren't willing to live and let live. You want to be religious. Good on you. I've dating people who seem to have taken on the responsibility of saving my soul, whether I wanted it saved or not.

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Already did. My wife is Japanese, and I'm a read head = we're gonna have super cute kids.

We are both of the same religion, so that's actually how we met.

My home town is pretty doesn't have many foreigners, so I think it was a little weird for some people to see that... until they found out how awesome she is :)

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this is where your definition of what constitutes a different religion come into play.
someone earlier (sorry, i forget who) talked about being raised baptist, and marrying a catholic , and insinuating that that was marrying outside their religion.
to me, it's not. ( Catholics still follow Christ, just like all the protestants, they just do it a little differently)
in fact, if you look at the histories of "the Big 3" (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam), you will see that they all share a common lineage. and each has their own sub-groups that have splintered off from the main line.
They all started with the hebrews, then some hippie carpenter pops up in Judea, starts talking the good news, develops an entourage, and speaks out against the policies of the state (Rome), and they put him to death. well his buddies keep his teachings alive, and that line becomes the Christian (Catholic) Church...

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What kind of question is this? Basically, answering "no" labels someone a racist. Or at least a closed-minded, old-fashioned miser. Otherwise, what could the rationale be for not being open to it? Anyone unwilling to marry someone because of their religious beliefs just demonstrates how outdated and intolerant it is to be so devout to an organized discipline. Relationships between different races and religions (or same-sex couples, for that matter) have been going on for decades and have already been covered in TV shows, by the media, other websites, etc.

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Continued...
time passes.
There's a guy called Mohammed, who gets a message from God.
"Hey Mo! Buddy! God here...here's the deal. I've sent messages, and lessons on how to live you life down to earth through several emissaries over the years, but they keep changing things, or parts get messed up in translation...Oi! it's a mess. "
then God gives him his set of teachings on how to live your life in a holy manner, with the instruction to not let them be translated to limit the lingual drift(mis-translations, etc.)
and keep the word right.
more time passes. a Monk in Germany gets his breifs in a twist about parts of the catholic teachings, and tacks a list of them on the door of the cathedral. people see the list, and say, "yeah he's right", and they break off from the catholics, and become lutherans, then as time goes on they splinter down further to the Current Rainbow of "flavors" of Protestants.

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Continued...
So Christian, Jew, or Muslim, it's all one story, it just depends on what exit you take off the story line.

BTW: for the record, I am a non church attending Believer, raised Methodist, grandson of 2 generations of Brethren Ministers.
I just don't see what a building and a group of people i wouldn't hang out with otherwise has to do with the relationship between me, and my creator.

and I've only dated girls with similar ethnic mixes as my own. (European whitebread)
not becasue i wouldn't date another group, but that's just how it's worked out so far.

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@bsmith1: Well now that wasn't very nice. And now I want to know why somebody who pretends to believe in any religion but doesn't actually believe and practices only for show (i.e. is fake/a liar to themselves and/or others) would be better than a person who truly believes and practices?

As for myself, I am Catholic and married a practicing protestant Christian. Actually, her BIL is a protestant minister. It's let to some great discussions that I'm happy to have had and which have strengthened my faith. Maybe we were closer originally than we thought in the beginning, though, as she's now joining the Church.

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@earlyre: Your over-simplification of the history of the Judeo-Christian religions glosses over some quite large differences. In the present day a practicing Catholic must receive approval for a wedding to a non-Catholic in order for that marriage to be recognized by the Church. With that being said, I personally know little of what goes on for protestant Christians inter-marrying between those denominations, so I'm not sure if there is a big deal about that.

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@ki4rxm: A person pretending to believe and "practice just for show" is no better. That's not what I meant. It would ok for my mate to be spiritual or believe in a higher power. I just think it's silly to conform to the words written by man and live your life a certain way when there is no proof that any higher power actually wants that from you. This thing called "faith" is a sketchy concept to me. When people talk about their faith, it's as if the know without a doubt that they're correct and they get angry if you question it. To me, if you feel so strongly about something, you should be able to defend your point of view rationally without playing the "faith card".
To sum up my answer to the original question:
"There might be a higher power in the universe." <- I'd hit that
"There is one god who made a chick from a dude's rib and later had a son born to a virgin and told some dude to build a big boat to put all the animals on it...etc". <- I couldn't take this person seriously.

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@bsmith1: I understand what you're saying and agree. I have no problem with someone gaining comfort and happiness from their religion. It's when they think that just because they believe something that I somehow am required to as well. Is there a God/higher power? I've never met him, personally, so I can't say. Faith is great and I respect those who believe without needing to be hit over the head with proof. My experience is just that when it comes down to it, very few of them are willing to extend the same courtesy to anyone who doesn't feel the same way they do. That ain't cool, man.

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@ki4rxm: it was intended to be a general simplification. There are more differences between groups of protstants than could be listed in this format. My point still stands though. Even though there are hundreds of different denominations, they are all still christian(followers of Christ) they just go about it differently.

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@stormshadow999: I think you'll find that a lot of us will disagree with you.

Many religous people will say no to marrying someone of a different religion because they feel it hinders them from obtaining those religous goals. (Stated much more elloquently above) Often times (not always) race plays into religion.

I am married to someone within my own race and religion so this is hypothetical. I did my share of dating so hypothetical doesn't mean inexperience. I can certainly say that there are different races that I am attracted to physically and others I am not. It's not racism, I just can't help who I am attracted to or who I am not for that matter. I am a firm believer in intellectual compatibility but I also believe that a relationship without physical attraction isn't as fullfilling.

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@stormshadow999: I think it's completely acceptable to say "no" to this question. For many, I'm sure the reasons are comfort and trying to avoid stiring any pots. and yes they probably avoid answering the question because they feel the same way you do. I can't see how anyone would deny that all races and religions are different and if you are not compfortable with those differences then the appropriate answer is "no".

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@purplefeather: When you are talking about spending the rest of your life with someone it is not as simple as "extending the same courtesy". If your lifestyle is not compatible with their religous goals then you will more than likely be glossed over when it comes time to find a mate. It's not rude or disrespectful, it's knowing what you want or need and not wasting time with someone who can't provide it.

I'm not so religous BTW, but I understand the POV

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I would and I did and if I had to do it all over again I would.

We were fortunate that neither our families nor our friends were against it but we spoke about it and we were ready to do it alone if we had to.

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@nmchapma: I disagree. There is another way to handle it. If the person you are seeing is somehow hindering your religious goals to such an extent that it is impacting you negatively, either work through those problems or end things before you become a serious couple. It is NOT okay to browbeat anyone with your large-print King James Version Bible just because they are not conforming to what you think they should be. That would indeed be rude and disrespectful.

I think it's simple enough to work out whether religion will be an issue early in a relationship--usually within the first couple dates. If either party waits until marriage comes up and then decides that the other person should change their entire world view, then that is wrong.

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@nmchapma: That's why I said strictly adhering to the tenets of organized religion seems like an outdated concept. I'm happy to be an atheist and not feel bound to any one set of principles, nor the need to defend what I believe is "right" or "wrong" (or who I should/shouldn't love, in this case). In the same way most would watch a documentary about a third-world country and say, "I'm so glad I don't have to live like that," I feel the same toward those with strong religious beliefs or any other set of limitations placed upon them. I have a feeling that in x years, people will look back upon today's society and wonder why we believed in a higher power in the same way that we look back on our ancestors and find it odd that they once thought the world was flat. After all: Christians, Catholics, Buddhists, atheists--someone is right. There IS a definite answer to what happens to us when we die; we just don't know what it is until it's too late to tell anyone else.

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@purplefeather: Does anyone really wait until marriage is on the table to realize something as major as religion is going to be a problem? at that point yes it is rude (for both parties BTW). I still don't see how that could happen.

Just curoius here; is it the initial offer to share their religion and "save your soul" that you find offensive or is it only constant nagging that becomes an issue?

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@nmchapma: I don't think the stories from the nonreligious people here are isolated incidents. I've never asked someone to lay aside their beliefs, but I've learned not to even mention the fact that I'm Agnostic because probably 90% of the people who find out feel that they have the right to tell me how I am clearly wrong and I obviously haven't been to the right churches and if I only came to their church, I'd miraculously be cured of my heathen status.

Sorry to paint all religious folk with the same brush, but I've learned through experience that the people who are loudest about their religion are some of the pushiest, rudest, and self-righteous people out there. Maybe they call that following their faith, I just call it annoying.