questionswhat's your best crab/shellfish related joke?


Tom lived in a small town whose economy revolved around the crab seafood industry. One day he went and purchased a new crabbing boat, the only problem was it wasn't crab season. He said screw it, and went out to catch some crabs anyway. Tom was out on the water all day but only caught one crab, he was sad.

All of a sudden the water police pulled up out of no where and said " What do you think you're doing catching crabs? it isn't even crab season."

Tom responded "I'm not catching crabs".

The police officer said "What do you call that then?" pointing at the crab Tom had caught.

"Oh" Tom said, "Thats my pet crab"

The police officer getting mad said "Bllsht I'm giving you a $500 fine"

Tom said "Hang on, i'll prove it, i'll put my crab in the water and a minute later he'll swim back to me"

The police officer agrees, so Tom puts the crab in the water..

A few minutes go by and the police officer growls "Ok where is the crab"

Tom says "what crab?"


Why wouldn't the crab share his toys?

Because he was shellfish.


A lonely female crab was walking down the beach one evening when she noticed a male crab coming toward her—but he was walking straight and not sideways!
Impressed by his talent, she decided to marry him immediately.
The next morning she noticed him walking sideways like any ordinary crab! She asked, "What happened? Yesterday you were able to walk straight!"
He answered "What? I can't get that drunk every day!"


A sand crab and a mud crab who were best friends died in an accident. They went to heaven and God said, "Sandy, Muddy, there's only one place left in heaven. One of you will have to go to hell."

Sand crab insisted that mud crab deserved heaven more, so sand crab went to hell. 10 years passed. Mud crab asked God one day, "I really miss sand crab. May I please go down to hell to see him? Just for a little while?" God said "Since you asked so nicely, you may go to hell and see Sandy, but you must be back by 6 o'clock tonight for angel harp lessons."

Mud crab left at once to go to hell. When he arrived, he saw sand crab over in hell's disco. They caught up and had a great time reminiscing. Then Muddy remembered the promise he made to God and looked at his watch. It was 5:59!! He said goodbye and rushed back to heaven. When he got up there, it was 6:02. God was irate.

"You're late! And where is your angel's harp, young crab?"

"Oh, no."


"I left my harp in sand crab's disco!"


@agingdragqueen: i like short version a lot better than @loubriccant. should be no more than 2 lines to that kind of punch line


@wingnutzero: Oh. My. applause (also groan).


Knock knock.

`Who's there?


`Crabs where?

Crabs at ... again.

'That is a bad joke and bad news!

well, it looks like your acting crabby, so i change my answer to 'right here'.

::They both die::

the end


What's the difference between a mermaid and a sand crab?

One's the daughter of the ocean, the other's a son of a beach.


Just remember, it is better to have a lobster on your piano, than a crab on your organ.