questionswhat do you do when you get a crappy table at a…

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I set the building on fire.

No, wait, that's what to do when you get a crappy cubicle at your workplace.

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This happens to me quite a bit as well and I'll almost always ask to be seated elsewhere. I'd say about 80% of the time they are snarky about it because the restaurant is busy and they want to fill the crappy 2 person table by the kitchen. But usually it is the hostess so I really couldn't give a rats ass if the hostess is snarky. Actually, that's another complaint - I really hate tiny 2 person tables.

What actually bothers me more is when I'm out with people who have jello spines and don't like to say anything to anyone about really bad service. Unfortunately my lunch buddy at work is like that. He made me sit at a table where we were ignored for 15 minutes because he didn't have the chutzpuh to get up and leave :P

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Always remember that you are paying for a service. If the service is less than it should be, speak out. If the restaurant is any good, they will attempt to fix the issue. If they don't, don't come back. I have been that guy and walked out a few times. It's my money and I can make the choice to not eat there if it is not enjoyable. (When the issue is made better, I will tip better.)

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My seating was wobbly once, but the carhop told me that she wasn't trained to help in that area.

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I'm that guy. I'll wait another fifteen minutes and get that good table. But when I leave, I tip heavy, real heavy, so that they'll remember me next time

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I ask to be moved if we've already been seated. If not, and I see a table I'd prefer, I ask if I can have it.

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There's a big difference between making a stink about something like a bad table or location and politely asking the host/hostess to seat you elsewhere. The restaurant staff wants you to be happy (and have a good expereince so that you'll come back), so if there's something amiss do not be afraid of speaking up. If the only table is by the restroom and you don't like it, and they tell you there are no other tables available, then get up and leave or wait for another to open.

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I usually sit down and eat like a good automaton.

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Depends on the restaurant. If it's a chain (Applebees, Buffalo Wild Wings, etc) then I'll probably fix it myself. Only takes a second to make a shim and put it under the offending leg of a wobbly table. Getting another chair from a nearby table is equally simple. If it's a nice restaurant, I'd ask for another table and I'd make sure the management was made aware of it so it can be fixed/replaced.

Getting seated next to a server's station doesn't bother me. If the restaurant has server stations next to tables, then it's not a very good restaurant anyway. If I'm at Applebees, I expect a bit of a party atmosphere. That includes things like chatting with servers and generally having a good time. Being next to the server station only makes that easier.

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If I can tell before I sit, I ask the hostess if I can move/ sit elsewhere. If the restaurants empty-ish, I just get up and move. If it's super crowded (like on a Friday night) I'll say something to a supervisor/ manager when and if one walks by.

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You really ought to tell the server or hostess about the problem if there's something physically wrong with the table or chairs. Sometimes they are unaware that there's something wrong. If it's just location then you'll have to make do or be "that guy". When people complained about things in the restaurant I worked in they'd have different experiences depending on who they were dealing with. I'd do everything I could to make it right and my assistant manager would tell people to eff off and not bother coming back if they didn't like it. So be prepared to talk to different people if you don't get satisfaction. If you run into my ex-manager then I suggest running, not walking out the door.

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I leave. It is easy enough to make food at home, when I go out to restaurants my focus is more on the experience and less on the food. If I have a bad table, bad food, or bad service I rarely return to that establishment.