questionsshould i learn to play the guitar to be…


Girls seem to like the bad boys. So, you need to get tattoos, quit your job, become a deadbeat, cheat on your girl, etc. That will make you more attractive to women.


1. What is your wardrobe like? Anything less than semi-fashionable will not help you much.
2. What else do you do besides fix computers and read books? These are both single person activities that are counterproductive to your search for a woman. Take up a new hobby. Check out Learn how to dance. Many clubs have salsa nights. Even if you have two left feet, just trying seems to impress these ladies...and they know how to move their hips. ;)
3. On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your confidence? Anything less than a 6 or more than a 9 is not going to work in your favor very long. Women love confidence. Some like cockiness, but it only lasts so long. No one likes someone who lacks confidence.
4. What kind of physical shape are you in? If you're noticeably overweight, do something about it. This will help with that whole confidence thing as well. Everyone likes their partner to be in good health.
5. Do you let your friends know you're looking? Maybe they know someone.


I'm not sure the guitar is going to be the magic pill you're looking for. Sometimes you see guys with guitars and you can tell they're just trying too hard. That's just not cool. You might want to start looking at what other guys are doing that makes them attractive to the ladies and try emulating some of that behavior.

It sounds like you're able to pretty easily focus on something and repeat a task or dig down into a subject and master it. Right now you're digging down into things that may not be attractive to the opposite sex. Maybe you could try delving into weights or sports. Those traits you already have can make learning something different easier (even if it seems difficult at first). Sports and weightlifting (or just being physically fit) can give a person loads of self-confidence. Self-confidence is attractive. You don't have to be the life of the party but if you feel good about yourself, generally speaking, other people will feel good about you too.


I know a lot of guitar players that aren't attractive to women at all. The only way to become attractive to women, if that's what you're setting out to do, starts at the bottom, like nearly everything in life. Go out on a limb, and start asking girls out. You'll get turned down, sure, and not every date will go swimmingly, but the key is that you are getting more and more comfortable being in that type of scenario with women. You just have to take the chance and keep stepping out. Eventually, girls will naturally be attracted to the way you carry yourself.
I speak from experience, being a ridiculously huge girl-repeller (it felt like) throughout high school. I know where you're coming from, and I know the feeling. It just took me three years of practice and studying, so to speak.
And I still don't play the guitar, nor am I good at any sports ;)


I think the real question here is: ‘Do you really WANT to be with those girls who are attracted to guitar players?’.

Change yourself if need be, whether it’s physical appearance or just trying to become more social. But remember, stay true to yourself no matter what. If someone likes you for being ‘you’, then you’ll find more happiness in the long run.


Find an insanely hot girl and make her your friend, for some reason that works.
Learn the guitar for fun, if you want.
When you are working on a PC talk to the person who owns the PC, I know this is insanely annoying to listen to them talk about ever problem they have ever had with the PC, so steer the conversation to something it is possible you both have interest, the Higgs is popular right now. Try some of the superhero movies.


My question is where would you display this guitar playing ability, in order to attract the fairer sex? Are you going to play at the local coffee house? If so it will take some time and lots of practice to get good enough to play publicly. It might be just as repelling to play badly. You say you like to read, take a book to the local coffee shop, get a drink, sit and read. Do NOT get a seat way over tucked in the corner, but rather near where people would line up to order or wait to pick up the drink. There are normally people with extrovert personalities that will stop and ask what you are reading. Be prepared with an answer that states what you are reading and that invites discussion. Some will take the bait, the book topic may leave others lost, but every conversation, whether male or female interaction, will boost your confidence in communicating with others. Now to really go up a notch make the book something like Marley & Me, or a little Shakespeare.


1. If you are a teenager, yes it will work, but only if you mope a lot and stare into space.
2. If you are older than 20, no it will not work and you will starve if you choose it as a career.
3. If you are older than 40, no it will not work but if you have been running scales for the last 20 years you will make money at it.


I find your knowledge of star trek to be quite attractive ;)


Well, you are articulate, which is more than many can manage. I don't think the guitar is the answer. My recollection is that you actually have to be good at playing the guitar for that to work. And attractive.

If you are serious, check your ego at the door, and ask some women friends/ acquaintances for feedback. Be prepared for honesty, and realize that it may hurt, at least temporarily.

Then go for incremental changes. Maybe a haircut. Maybe switching from T-shirts to polo shirts. Maybe getting in shape - find a buddy - it makes it easier. Maybe looking people in the eye on the street and saying "Good Morning."

The other thing is just meeting people, or even creating the opportunity to meet people. Sign up for a class at the local community college/library/YMCA etc.Try for something that you at least have a passing interest in. Join a civic organization of some sort. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, homeless shelter, or animal shelter. And talk with the people you meet.


Just a quick note from personal experiance it turns out a guy wearing velcro shoes is a no go for girls. I don't know why. You can't even get close enough to explain how its quicker and more efficient than laces or that these shoes are actually more comfortable, but they see the velcro and can't get away fast enough . So if you're wearing velcro shoes that might be the only change you need to make


Guys generally want to be like the guitar players because they look cool.

Girls, however, generally want the singer... He is the one laying out his "feelings" up on stage...

Women love a man that can display their emotions (of course, as long as the emotions aren't displayed in some whiny/woosey manner).


I didn't read all the responses, so someone might have said this, but I'm a chick and here's my thought on it (and I'll disclose I'm a bit of a nerdy chick that digs nerdy dudes):

If you're learning the guitar just to attract women, you might get laid, but you probably won't find the type of woman you want to spend your life with. My opinion is that women are attracted to the confidence that most guitar-players have, and sometimes the talent, and not just the fact they play the guitar. It's not going to change who you are and the type of women you attract, unless it helps you gain more confidence.

I think you'll have more luck if you try to meet more people by doing things you love (nerd conventions, going to the bar, volunteering at a shelter, getting involved in a club, whatever you enjoy doing that involves other people). If you make more friends, chances are they'll have women friends who are into the same type of things you are, and you'll find a woman that's into you.


@intensesupernova: I don't keep up with changing fashions. I wear blue jeans and polo shirts. Besides, in my opinion, most current fashions are outrageous and ridiculous.

All of my activities are single person activities. My intellectual nature is drawn to them.

What confidence I had with dealing with the opposite sex is in shambles after several disastrous attempts at starting a relationship.

My friends do know that I am looking, unfortunately, all the females with whom they are acquainted are either married, dating exclusively are not looking or are too young or too old.


@zuiquan: Well, first off, I'm just trying to get noticed. As a geeky, intellectual and introverted person I have the social presence of The Invisible Man.

I thought that perhaps playing the guitar or some sort of instrument would allow me to be more visible in social situations.


@dmaz: I have a Ph.D. in girl repelling. If I were a Marvel Comics mutant, repelling girls would be my mutant power.

All I have to do is mention the words Star Trek, Comic Book, Computer, 3-D Printing or names like Milton Friedman, Steve Jobs or Ludwig Von Mises and girls run from me like I carried the plague.


@dw1771: Unfortunately, all of the books which are of interest to me make everyone else's eyes glaze over. Right now I'm reading on the subject of accounting. Shakespeare does not interest me and the old English used in the plays can be quite impenetrable.


@uberchurl: I do not qualify for the first description, but I do for the others. I won't say which, however. Playing guitar would not be a career move, simply a hobby.


@trekkiegirl: Really? So is there a trekkieguy who shares your Standard Orbit?


@thetexastwister: Khakis look better with polos. I understand on not wanting to keep up on fashion, however there are fairly timeless looks, such as khakis and polos (sounds like this could work for you).

You need to start looking into some social type activities if you want to find women. You need to pick yourself off, brush yourself off and keep going and not get hung up on the no's. For every 29 no's you get, you'll get 1 yes. Yes, it's discouraging, but know that if you want to win, you have to play.

Maybe your age range is too small. Try branching out a little and not being as picky.


@75grandville: I've tried several of those routes and has yielded no results. Although it seems that when I talk to others of similar interests it is more an intellectual pursuit than an interpersonal one. Maybe this is what I need to change first.


@lpgstock: I couldn't carry a tune if you strapped it to my back with Crazy Glue.


You're focusing on guitar playing, but I think a key component is that the guitar players have a passion for their music, and it just so happens that their passion is performable, so it becomes "easier" for guitar players to attract women, or we just happen to see them attracting women more. So you just need to find a way to showcase your passions in a palatable way.

And I'm not saying you shouldn't try learning to play guitar, seeing as you are shooting down a lot of the other advice. It sounds like you have nothing to lose. Learn to play guitar, figure out some fun 2 people activities, and find a dating site. At least everyone there will be looking for someone.

Try or something. It makes it easy to meet people with similar interests to you. You might not even have to learn to play the guitar :P


@thetexastwister: Good for you for trying - that really is half the battle. I can't claim to know exactly what you've been through. I have been through some excruciating relationship experiences myself, and I know that it took time for me to heal emotionally.

What I will offer is encouragement. Don't give up - if nothing changes, then nothing changes. At the same time, don't try too hard. All of which I am sure sounds like fluff, but it's my experience.

I hear you on the solitary activity bit. Most of what I enjoy is on the solitary side also. And, some of it could be turned into non-solitary activities. This is brainstorming, so feel free to take what you want and leave the rest:

Math, econ -> tutoring or study groups
Reading -> book clubs
Computer repair -> volunteering somewhere
3D printing -> engineering clubs
Star Trek -> conventions, clubs, etc.

And then, whatever you pick, try to enjoy it just for itself. So anyone you meet is a bonus.



The point is that you are increasing your opportunities to meet other people.

Or pick up a new hobby, like pinball machine collecting & repair. It's geeky, and you need engineering skills to keep the darn things working, and it's an interesting conversational gambit.

As encouragement, I've had to actively work on developing my social skills. I have advanced degrees in Statistics, repair computers for a hobby, love reading SciFi & Fantasy, and playing computer games. I'm also married with children, so geeks can have relationships. But it didn't happen overnight. It takes work to change from the kid reading in the corner to a more social creature - still no extrovert.

More unconventional ways to meet people:
Do you like to cook? Everybody needs to eat, and it does impress women. Try going to someplace like Let's Dish and making a meal or two.

Or going to how-to workshops at Home Depot.

That covers a few of my non-geek hobbies & activities, anyway.

Best of luck.


@thetexastwister: I read your post and several responses earlier, and just returned to post some thoughts/suggestions for you from the perspective of a oddly-geeky girl who has only found myself attracted to/interested in geeky guys - and on my return, I find that you've essentially dismissed every suggestion that's been offered to you. I'm not going to take the time to type out my thoughts if you're just going to dismiss them, but I'll note one thing: the way you're handling this conversations tells me a lot about how you hold conversations (I'm a psychologist, so while I'm extrapolating quite a bit, it's based on a fair amount of experience.) So here's the only suggestion I'm going to bother to make: (cont)


(cont): learn how to have a two-way conversation. Learn how to listen to what someone says and respond about what they say, rather than just replying with your own thoughts or opinion. ("I prefer Star Trek: TNG." "Oh, I prefer Star Trek: original" versus "Interesting! How do you think it compares to the original?") Find another guy who also feels he has difficulty talking to girls and deliberately practice having two-way conversations. You don't need new interests - and in the long-term, you don't want a girl who doesn't share your interests - but you need to learn how to relate/respond to others.


I'm pretty sure the guitar will attract more women than the xylophone will. At any rate it's more portable.


@publicart: Yes, I see what you are saying. I don't really have a passion for music, although I would certainly like to learn guitar for its intellectual challenges.

My passion is computers. I enjoy building them and repairing them. I have found it hard to share it with others in a way that allows me to stand out in a crowd. When I do talk to others who share this passion I love to talk about it. And the conversation eventually ends up as a geek fest for both of us as learn from each others experiences. Unfortunately, I have never found this trait attractive in a others as anything other than a means of expanding my knowledge. I can make great friends talking about computers, but never anything beyond that. It is a very strange irony.

I should try to identify other potential shared traits that could be a better starting point. Thank you.


@75grandville: Thank you for the suggestions. I'm currently engaged in or been part of some of those groups. Well, except for book clubs. I don't read very much fiction. Most of it is technical books or explorations of math, computers and economics.

I truly enjoy talking about these subjects with others and I've made a few friends along the way. Most are men and the few women I have encountered are already married or seriously dating someone.

I won't stop talking about these subjects with others. I love the conversations.


@neuropsychosocial: You are quite correct on that point. I often state things in a matter of fact fashion rather than engage in fluid conversation. It is probably my technical mind at work, preferring simple and straightforward facts to more ambiguous and less defined opinions. The more abstract something becomes the harder it is for me to understand it.

Thank you for the advice, it has been most helpful.


@75grandville: I'll have to try workshops. Star Trek conventions don't come around my hometown like they used to.

I like cooking, but I've always approached it from a "follow the rules" method rather than a "break the rules" standpoint. Now that I think about it, that is pretty much how I approach most things. I just follow the instructions to get from point A to point B. I am pleased that I can do it, but there is not much inflamed passion to it.

Maybe this is where I should start. Going beyond the rules and not giving a damn if I burn the pot roast.