Deals.Woot

I like monkeys.

The pet store was selling them for five cents apiece. I thought this was odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth so I bought 200 of them. I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I laughed. They punched me in the genitals. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why the monkeys were so inexpensive; they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta’ dropped dead. Kinda’ like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later.

Damn cheap monkeys.

(continued....)

(....continued)

I tried to burn them. Little did I know that my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and I really had to use the bathroom. So I went and severely beat one of the monkeys. I felt better.

I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him I had a wet one. He couldn't take it either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution: I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't quite know what to say. They pretended to like them, but I could tell they were lying.

Ingrates.

So I punched them in the genitals.

I like monkeys.

if I laughed does that mean I'm psycho?

at least we're in good company!

@anotherhiggins: Makes me wonder what happened to the original Higgins. Whatever it was, I have no doubt that you had a hand in it and that it involved foul play.

this has @theoneill555's name all over it.

@1rudeboy: Holy crap, another Notes sufferer?!?!

But I don't think retarded monkeys were behind the development of LN. Surely that was the work of EVIL retarded monkeys.

@anotherhiggins:

I think we work for the same company.

My old officemate once told me that Lotus Notes was written by retarded monkeys that weren't allowed to talk to eachother. IMO, it's not a total loss b/c the notes calendar is better than Outlook and it's pretty easy to make custom forms or even db's. Now if they'd just stop trying to integrate IM...

@sgoman5674: I thought Lotus was less um likely to get viruses than outlook? I remember when I was temping for International Paper one summer - They used the Lotus Suite. That summer people who were using MSOffice Suite got hit by some weird email viral infection but IP was golden because they didn't use MS. We thought it was pretty funny though.