Are you a warm, caring, open-hearted, generous, perhaps lonesome Wootizen?
Due to a recent life-changing event, I'm seeking a responsible adoptive parent to provide a forever home to 20+ rambunctious, house-broken, occasionally polite, sometimes quiet Woot monkeys. Included in this family is the entire team from the [in]famous Monkey Games. All but two or three are in proud possession of their original battery-protection strips; many would be bringing along a favorite toy or two and perhaps a beloved blankie. I've promised them I'll do my very best to find a home that will take all of them; neither you nor I want even to consider what kind of acting-out unhappy sibling-deprived monkeys might display. If I can't find a placement here, my only other option will be to send them to Goodwill, and we all know [shudder] what will happen to them there.
("life-changing event" = retirement + promise to spouse to declutter our tiny house and reduce my collection of Woot, ThinkGeek, and Meritline treasures)