questionsto ***spank*** or ****not to spank*** that is the…

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What do you do to discipline your children? That is the question I would like answered first.

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are we also going to get into the difference between disciplining and beating/abusing?

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Big difference between disciplining your kids and abusing them. Inevitably kids whom I know that are never spanked are out of control, while those who are occasionally spanked when needed are well-behaved and do better in school.

Whatever works best for your family, stick to it.

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The problem is with the laws. Any physical contact nowadays is considered abuse. In my opinion, a good smack on the butt gets their attention and doesn't really hurt them.

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@jsimsace: I'm asking the question here, party foul for answering a question with a question! But, I will answer.

I grew up with very strict discipline, and was spanked...a lot! I was never hit in the face, but I was spanked with everything from a hand, belt, switch, etc.

My daughter is getting old enough now, to where we need to make a decision on how we are going to handle her bad behavior. We have lightly spanked her, but it's never been hard enough to get her attention, and the phrase I heard while growing up is ringing true...This is going to hurt me more than you!

The times I have spanked her, not only broke my heart the first time, but it also hurt my hand for the two little swats that she received, and those didn't even phase her!

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@moosezilla: I know the difference as I think anybody with common sense does, so I'm just interested in what other parents do as far as disipline.

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@jsimsace: We also put her in the corner for a time out, but that only works for so long. I think she is starting to like it!

We have taken toys away too, for a brief time.

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@107bear: They will get away with murder if they can. They like to feel like they are in control. Kids really do need discipline. My kids are grown and married and have kids. So I'm dealing with grandkids. So it's not my place to deal with discipline, but just last week my grandson really needed a good smack! Been thru all of this years ago and dealing with Child Protective Services. Kids will push you as far as they can.

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@ojulius: The way I grew up, if it was now, I'm sure CPS would be called on my parents. It didn't mater where I was, public...or private, if I acted up...it was game on!

I admit, I deserved every spanking I received, but I do remember one that stood out. It was in church, and while it didn't hurt, it did embarrass me.

I'm on the fence about doing it in public as I remember how that affected me. It did work as I never wanted to be embarrassed like that again in public.

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@107bear: Sorry for the offense. I thought it was kinda traditional to give your answer to your own question, then see how everyone else responds. My kids? Yeah, they got spanked. They're all 15+ years old and straight A students in school/college. No grandkids from them yet. They are productive citizens in this world.

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@jsimsace: None taken...I just wanted to test the waters before I weighed in!

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@107bear: This will open a can of worms, but the government is dictating how we raise our kids. I grew up in the 50's and got smacked plenty of times, but I learned how to respect my parents and how to respect authority. I appreciate how I was raised, even tho it was a bit painful at times!!

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@kamikazeken: I agree to everything you said, but I'm also interested in what other way parents have used to discipline their children if they, don't believe in spanking...and did the alternative way work?

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I would like to make one more comment about this issue. Kids have more rights than parents do!

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Spanked the kids and it worked.

None turned into axe murders, are on drugs, or are in jail...one works the jail because he's a deputy, but you know what I mean.

I have met a few kids that needed a beating not a spanking. Nearly all of them - their parents needed beaten as well.

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I don't think there is any hard and fast rule here. Some kids respond to taking away privileges or a "time out". Some kids need a not so harsh smack to get their attention and to know who is in control.

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@ojulius: I think mine are going to be...ALL THE ABOVE!

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@107bear: We can't make the assumption that all kids are the same. What works for some as far as discipline goes doesn't work for all of 'em.

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Whatever way you go, your kids HAVE to learn that there are consquences to their actions. When they grow up, they will have consequences; whether it be a lost friend, a lost job, a fine, a jail term.

And 107bear, I don't understand how if you "lightly" spanked your daughter, it hurt your hand. My kids got a swat on the bottom when I thought they needed it, never more than one swat per incident, and it certainly never hurt my hand.

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I thought this was about adults, I spanked my wife on the dance floor tonight and I think she liked it

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To be brief about it: I'm not one for absolutes. I disagree that spanking is always bad, and I disagree that kids should be spanked for every little thing. IMVHO, spanking should be done very rarely, for extreme behaviors, and administered calmly, NEVER out of anger or frustration. And did I mention rarely?

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@pooflady: When they have all that padding on, and your spanking through cloths and buttons, and pull-ups...you tell me! I don't have girly hands but that's a lot to get through to give them a spank.

And I will not take anything off to reach bare skin, hence it hurts me, more than she!

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As someone who generally dislikes being touched even in a gentile manner, I'm not a fan of spanking. Sure, there are some kids who need it, as other techniques will not work, but for most children you've got a wide variety of techniques to choose from. I don't plan on having children but if I do, I'm thinking positive reinforcement is where I'd focus, rather than only punishing for bad things. I could be wrong, but I think that for a child who is very used to positive reinforcement, the absence of it may be enough to get their attention.
One of my nieces has always been encouraged and gotten positive reinforcement. She's 14 now and nice as can be, very respectful (unless she's accidently being rude, but hey, it happens!). She's even said to me (while talking about her cousin) that she can't understand why people do bad things for attention and that "All you have to do is be nice and do what you're told, and then everyone is happy with you and you get rewarded."

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I generally don't think there's a "one size fits all" method to raise kids, so the biggest point I could make is to use your brain and get to know your kids well enough to figure out what's likely to work best with each one.

That said, I'm not against spanking if done properly; ie, not done out of anger, but done in a consistent manner, and to a degree appropriate to the situation. Just don't forget that praise at appropriate times is important too.

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I love how everyone (mostly) agrees that a good spanking is a good idea and works.. yet no one really will anymore for fear of getting a visit from the law... sad.

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I'm absolutely against it. Our job as parents is to teach. What does spanking teach? There are tons of resources out there to help with behavioral issues that don't involve hitting your kid. Too bad I'm mobile, lots more to be said on this one...

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@ojulius: Not exactly true in Texas.

When my daughter was 12 she was out of control after coming home from her dads. Every time. I called CPS to find out what my rights were ( I have a 3 swat with the hand spank rule) after her father, who repeatedly spanked with a belt or anything close, said he was going to call CPS for me sending my daughter to her room for 20 min. as soon as she got home from his house. The enforced time out worked wonders, but he had an issue with it. CPS said I was doing what I thought best for my child and went on to tell me spanking was exceptable as long as you, as a parent, did not intend to harm. I thought this was pretty broad, but since I didn't even leave marks it didn't apply to me. My daughter did manage to live through her childhood and is now happily a freshman in her first semester of college.

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@107bear: I have probably tried every approach discussed in any parenting book or online forum, as have most parents on here. Just because something worked once, doesn't mean it will again. Also, situations are different. Every child is different, too. I had a very strict policy to only spank if something she did put her in immediate danger. However, I grew up in an abusive home, so was very sparing where that was concerned. I did the three count thing on most stuff. You know the: 1...2... Don't make me get to 3... Did time out, grounding, taking stuff away, etc... You learn to always make the punishment fit the crime, and hopefully they learn from it. You start teaching them personal accountability from a very young age, so they hopefully realize one day that their choices have direct and sometimes devastating results. We as parents don't do this to hurt, but to teach the basics. Right from wrong, good decisions from bad decisions,

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Cont...
and most of all that life goes on even when they screw up, and that we love them no matter what.

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@islycd: I didn't DV your answer, but I'm curious what you do as far as discipline, and to hear what else you had to say.

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@pyxientx: I agree with everything you said, but as far as the counting, I said I would not do that as I have seen so many parents do it and found it silly to a point. What happens after you get to 3...do you blast off?

But a couple days ago, I was trying to get her to clean up....clean up...everybody...everywhere...and failed, till I found myself doing the count, and it worked, this time...

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@107bear: It does get silly sometimes. Like when she was three and said in the middle of my counting, "Mommy, I am smarter than you. I can count higher than 3!" The ridiculous happens too. I once grounded her from talking for 4 minutes, because I got to 3 while she was steadily saying Momma...Momma...Momma... (Kind of like Sheldon does to Penny on Big Bang Theory) Again the punishment must fit the crime.

Sometimes the simple things work, and sometimes they don't. Just always be consistant. That helps with discipline tremendously.

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I did spank my firstborn a few times, but quickly realised that I felt worse about it afterwards than he did. I stopped soon after and never spanked my daughter after she arrived.
There are better ways to teach children, but consequences must be happen when the child misbehaves.