Is there any way to nicely tell someone to butt out?
So, I work for a small company (6 of us full time) that has a few offices on the same floor as our parent company. Because of that we're in very close proximity of another small company in the same situation. The assistant to the guy who heads that company just butts in all.the.time. So much so that I'm at the point where I audibly exude a disgusted sigh.
We had a going away lunch for the interns IN one of our offices that she barged into and held the floor yapping away for 15 mins while we all stared at one another. Today is one of my co-worker's birthdays, we were ordering birthday lunch for the staff & miss butter-inner chirps in "Oh! Where are you guys ordering from?" as if she's going to add on to our order.
These are just two recent examples, this happens frequently & the whole staff is sick of her crashing our lunches and just all around butting in. She's a nice girl, we like her, and we certainly don't want there to be any drama but we'd all like her to mind her own y'know?
by
yrguide
asked 5 months ago
It's not in your pay grade. Your manager, or her manager, or the parent company bigwigs, should be noticing this, and acting on it. Do they know? Have they noticed?
That said, here's some suggestions. Have someone who is diplomatic (and female, which I'll explain below) take her aside and suggest that her attentions aren't necessarily taken in the spirit that they're meant. Alternatively, speak to your manager, and point out that there's a problem (and that it interferes with your productivity and morale). Do not speak to her manager; this will work against you.
Why female? In general, it's easier to defuse a situation using a female to intervene, rather than a male. This is not always true, of course (speaking as someone who is female, but intimidating). Diplomacy is important here; you don't want this to escalate. You want it to be solved.
I find that the words "f@#* off" generally get the point across as quickly and succinctly as possible. I genuinely believe it's more considerate to everyone involved to be straight to the point rather than waste time crafting a flowery message that the intended recipient may or may not understand.
If you don't agree, feel free to tell me to f@#* off.
@shrdlu: Unfortunately it is my pay grade. I'm the manager for my team at this location. I'm also a female. I would imagine her boss notices but he already has so many issues with her that this is just a blip on the windscreen. As for the parent company, this company takes up 3 floors of a midtown office building - not really a scenario for the higher ups to notice and even if it did, they typically leave us to our own devices.
That said, this isn't that formal a work environment which is why I feel like maybe she blurs those lines a little. I wouldn't suggest by any means it hampers our productivity but we try to have somewhat structured downtime and reward time, it's at those times that she feels like it's OK to sort of crash the party.
Because we work in such close proximity to her we really don't want to create any tension, and like I said we do like her, she's just sort of becoming the uninvited guest that we all barely tolerate.
@wingnutzero: I don't disagree with your response, I just don't know that it's right for the workplace. ;-)
Next time she interrupts, interrupt her. No reason to be held hostage by her, just says..."Sorry, we can't chat right now, we were just leaving." Then leave. A couple of times should get your point across.
Another option, why not include her in your lunch plans? You say she's nice, maybe she doesn't have any work friends in her own company and she is lonely. You never know, you might make a great new friend.
@ohcheri: Oh, the interrupting her thing is not a bad idea.
Here's the thing though about lunch, the only time we as a staff all sit down an have lunch together it's because typically we are doing something that is specific to the team...either celebrating a birthday, wishing someone on staff goodbye, celebrating an achievement, etc. We also buy the staff lunch. Because those are occasions are specific to the team we don't invite folks from the parent company or other companies.
We do have other little social things that we will invite everyone else too and perhaps that's where she gets confused as well, because her cube is directly outside one of our offices she just assumes when we're all together that it's a social function that's open and informal when in fact some of them are smaller and meant to be for our team only or worse we're actually in a meeting and someone cracked a joke so she takes it as a cue that we're not working and barges in.
@yrguide: Ah. More information. This changes the picture quite a bit. I will think about this for a while, and come back with a more useful answer, but later. I have handled similar situations, but want to provide you with something that will help solve this particular situation in a way that works best for you and for your team. It's unfortunate that her manager seems not to have control (which is what this sounds like).
Back later...
sounds like she sits a little too close for comfort and mooches off you guys as much as she can. besides whatever advice you get for telling her to butt out, can i suggest you guys plan your lunch decisions as far away from her desk as possible? or pass around the lunch menu and have everyone write their choice on paper instead of discussing out loud how delicious the garlic chicken is at so and so's diner. if she somehow gets the menu and order list and writes something down to order, don't order it and say whoever ordered forgot. or pick up the phone and start placing the order and someone can say it's too late
also lock the room door where you guys have your meetings? or post a note on the door like "Do Not Disturb - Meeting in Progress" and reference it if she butts into the meeting. if she's literally bursting in, let her know matter-of-factly that you still have a few minutes left in the meeting and you all can stop by her desk afterwards to discuss her question
(cont)
when she is around, make the meetings as formal and company-focused as possible. if you're having a lunch, take a few minutes before and talk about something company-related. make it so she doesn't want to be around and has to deal with boring work talk with you guys
as far as distinguishing between the social functions that you invite everyone to and your private company functions, you're going to need to make the distinction absurdly clear from now on. even though it's for her, everyone would need to get the same treatment.
for example if you send the invites for social functions open to everyone as an email, end the email with a note saying the function is open to employees from your company, the parent company, and other sister companies within the building. then for your small company-only functions, end the email with a note saying "sorry, due to budget constraints this event is for X company only". then you can reference the note about your current budget woes
I always like the juvenile answer "This is an A-B conversation so you need to C your way out of it".
"Excuse me, and I mean absolutely no disrespect when I say this, but would you kindly f**k off and die?"
@yrguide: Now that the interest has died down, I've come back. I think that W00tgurl is headed in the right direction, suggesting that you make this less interesting, but I'd say your real problem is the other manager, and there's not an easy solution for that. Since that one seems to be out of your hands, I suggest that you approach the interrupter directly.
One of the ways you might do this is by stopping her the next time she shows up, and telling her that you need to talk. Then take her into a room, and explain that she's interfering with your normal business, and that it has to stop. Be as kind as you can, but firm. Point out that if her current boss is replaced, she might find herself quickly out the door, and that she would find it a better use of her time if she spent her unoccupied hours with adding to skills, or otherwise improving her employability. Jobs can disappear overnight, especially those at the bottom of the pay scale.
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@yrguide: [Continued] You will also need to counsel each person on your staff to not encourage her. If she's welcomed most of the time, she's going to believe she's always welcome. Perhaps she really is as thick-skinned as she seems to be, but I'd suspect that she's bored enough, or lonely enough, that she's ignoring all the signals.
You have to drop the passive aggressive stance, if you're the manager. Sighing won't work. After you've had a face-to-face talk with her, where you explain that you're running a business, and that even off site events are still part of it, you need to be in charge.
When she shows up, you need to stand up, walk over to her, and tell her she has to go back to her own office, and her own desk. This may create some additional stress for your own staff, so you should probably explain that you are going to do this ahead of time.
I don't say that this is going to be easy, but it will work.
Good luck.
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