questionsi'm getting married in two weeks?


Take a deep breath. If you are marrying the right person it is no big deal so just be certain. If not don't do it.


What you feel is normal, and in sales is referred to as buyer's remorse. Just us second guessing our own decisions. Take a couple of deep breaths and relax.

And what if things go "terribly wrong". Makes for a wedding people will talk about - and remember - for years.

Every plan is perfect until engagement with the enemy; weddings work the same way. Something won't go right and that's OK - let others worry about making your day as perfect (and peaceful) as possible. This too shall pass.


I think my biggest concern is the fact that I don't have a videographer. I'm just gonna hand someone a camcorder and say "here ya go!"


In case you missed it, here is the original engagement question and here is the follow-up question. Congrats!


@abramokids: There were two different people (neither professional) taking the video of my wedding, and I'm glad that they did. The sound is almost inaudible in several places on one, and since my Daddy was taking the video, there were a few moments where he was overcome, and the other person caught those moments.

Congratulations, Mazel Tov, and any other blessings you can imagine. :-D

Live well and long. Be happy.

{I almost forgot. Hug Light for us all.}


Probably not.
Life goes on.
What doesn't kill you will make you stronger.
Yes, until you get the bill.
Beats me.
Have you read the questions here lately?
If it can't be found at B3 or Woot, it's not worth having.
It's OK, we're listening.
No, no, this is just enough.
Time to open one of those woot-off margarita mixes from Christmas time.


Run! Don't do it! But seriously, marriage is a heck of a drug. There are a lot of things to consider, but if you've come this far, it's probably the right thing to do. If you're going to have children, marriage makes paternity, child names, and family taxes a lot simpler. But then there's no law saying you need to merge all your assets and share a bank account... I made that mistake once and it'll never happen again. A joint checking account that's separate from your individual accounts makes a lot of marriage arguments simpler. Go for it and congrats.


Hi there, Mr. Groom-to-Be! Glad to see you here; I was thinking of you just last week while trying to remember the date for the festivities.

If you can send me a PM link, I'll send you an address; the only reason I declined earlier was that it just seemed unnecessary to me and one more thing you'd have to do. But I understand your sense of good manners, and it's dawned on me that I'd really like to be able to literally touch a bit of the happy day and feel wonderful for you both.

Meanwhile, remember that this is going to be a wonderful party with people who love you and want to help celebrate your marriage to Light. There's very little that can go so wrong that it won't become part of the treasured memories of the day.

Here, let me help you out a bit. My best friend's wedding, 18 years ago Tuesday: the groom's brother, a chef for a very exclusive ski-resort hotel, was going to do the rehearsal dinner for 30 at the home of their mother. Lovely idea. Except the home's




plumbing system and disposal couldn't handle everything he tried to clean up as he went. The plumbing backed up into the garage, then into the kitchen and living room. At 9pm the groom and I dashed off to Home Depot for a plumber's snake, which didn't help a bit. Dinner was fine, but the mom and the six house guests had to decamp to hotel rooms for the night. Their dad, who was the presiding rabbi, spoke of the event with wit and fondness for many years, until his passing.

My son's wedding, five years ago:. His dad decided to take a nap before the wedding and woke 5 minutes before the official starting time. He lived 30 minutes away. But his tardiness was okay, though, because the newly hired driver for the chartered bus bringing about half the guests from their hotel to the hall decided to


take a [cough] short cut. They ended up on a narrow service road at the back end of a golf course, facing a locked gate. The driver couldn't back up, so the charter company had to send a relief driver to rescue everyone. The wedding started an hour late. By time for dinner, the bride's uncle (a retired Catholic priest in his early 70's) had had a glass or two too much and had to be coached through his pre-dinner blessing. All in all, it was one of my favorite weddings of all time.

My own wedding with The Spouse, about 14 years ago. The best man was late because he hadn't had time to do laundry and had no clean dress shirt. One of my favorite pictures is of Jade pulling back his suit coat to show his official AOL-logo work shirt underneath. (We didn't have anyone officially taking pictures, by the way. We just gave every one a disposable camera and asked them to do their part.)


A very small affair. My son, a notary public, did the official words. The wedding was on the semi-shady patio of a lovely, tiny restaurant, absolutely beautifully decorated. Gorgeous, sunny mid-October day, complete with an unseasonable hot spell. Two of my very elderly guests began having heat problems, so we all moved the luncheon into a luckily empty but totally barren air-conditioned private dining room. And a splendid time was had by all.

Thank you for your indulgence reading this never-ending story; those three days were such wonderful, slightly wacky weddings that I really wanted to share them with you. You and Light will have an absolutely perfect wedding, because the two of you will be among family and friends for one of the most joyous days of your lives. Everything will be fun, if you just let it flow, but the reception is really only the wrapping paper and ribbon decorating the true gift.

Enjoy your day, my friend!


@robingraves: Many thanks for providing the links; it was thoughtful of you and great fun to reread the conversations.


Whoops! Edit to my comment earlier about needing a PM address. Silly me! I forgot I have an email address for you. Info is on its way.


You just do that take the bride's hand into marriage hall,kiss her,and say i love you forever,congratunations!


Ah marriage is wonderful. I married my lovely wife at 23, we've only been married two years but we've been together over 7 years (since we were 17). I'll say that no matter how long you've been together marriage will change your relationship. You'll still learn things about your partner, some good, some not-so-good. A happy marriage takes a lot of work from both of you, if one of you slacks or doesn't doesn't take it seriously it can fall apart in a heartbeat.

Personally I believe there are traits you must force upon yourself to have a happy marriage. They are forgiveness, understanding, and acceptance (I believe these also apply to children but I have yet to cross that threshold). It is very important that you communicate with one another and have a good understanding of each others needs. Emotionally and physically. Be willing to depend on each other and get (outside) help with problems before it's too late. We've been through so much already, but I wouldn't change a minute.


as an after thought, While we both thought we knew what we were getting into. We knew we had to communicate but really we didn't know how. There is a learning curve in the begining, be patient and add that to my list of required traits :-)


@liquidblue1: @mybestuser1: @mtm2: Thank you guys very much
@shrdlu: hugs Light
@robingraves: Thank you for sharing that :D
@udavidj gets bonus points for answering every question!


Dude, it's not too late. Make a break for it, we'll cover for you until after you are safely across the border...

Just kidding, I think. Some tips from somebody who has done it more than once:

1) Bride will freak out over anything that goes the slightest bit wrong, and something will As you can see, things can go quite wrong but overall SWF, this isn't brain surgery, you get through it. So, be understanding but don't let her anxiety spread to you. Be calm and stay calm.

2) Be patient during the pictures, there are a ton of them. And listen to your photographer: if you hired a good one they some good ideas as to what works and what doesn't. Do what they say.

3) However, don't let yourself get cut out of your own reception. Insist on a break if you must.

4) PROTIP: Wedding rings (if correctly sized) will get slightly caught on the knuckles of the finger. A bit of lubricant on the inside of the ring will get the ring to slide on, and you won't look clumsy.


@magic_cave: Ah, You've finally given in! Yes, my mother always taught me to thank people when they do something nice for you, and I'm very insistent :P Thank you for sharing your multitude of stories, both here, and in the email you sent. Always fun to hear them. I was originally confused by the AOL shirt comment in the email (I don't see a logo...), but you went into more detail here, so it all makes sense now :P You can certainly expect something from me in the near future :)

@nmchapma: 23, huh? We have something in common there. Seperate accounts is definitely a good idea in any situation. We have made a joint account with any money we get from the wedding, but that's it for now. Thanks for the advice, it's all being taken to heart.


@abramokids:I tried to write this earlier but it isn't showing up. Regarding the seperate accounts thing. I have a little different experience than most. We started with seperate accounts and a joint "bill" account. We now have just one single account. We found that seperate accounts just caused us more trouble. Having one account allows us to save more effectly ( we just bought our first home). The key to having one seperate account is understanding what each other needs to spend money on for a bit of basic happiness (like an xbox game or a pedicure), accepting those expenditures and never using them against the other. This, of course, must be done within reason and you both have to show some restraint. One account will also reduce the "secret spending" and keep you both accountable. You probably don't have anything you spend money on that you'd consider secret but sometimes the amounts can be surprising.


@nmchapma: A separate account also lets the owner buy surprise gifts for their dear partner without the dear partner calling their credit union to say, "I don't recognize this charge. What is this company, anyway?"

(True story. The company was a florist. I tap-danced my little heart out, and finally just told her, "You know, Valentine's Day is later this week. Are you sure you want me to research this for you?" I would have, of course, if she'd insisted, but instead there was a little pause, then a sort of squeaky, "Oh, um, never mind. I'll call back if I need to. Thank you!")


@magic cave: HAHA! Great story. definitely something my wife would do. I didn't think about that. We usually pull out cash for those purchases :-) We don't do big expense surprises mostly due to the whole house thing. It's consumed our budget.


Congrats! And yes, it's not too late to register one more place. Go do it.


@nmchapma: I understand completely. The Spouse and I have separate accounts, but money goes back and forth frequently to make sure bills get paid and money gets saved. We don't make purchases of any size without discussion. When I bought him a ukulele for his birthday a couple of months ago, I first came here for advice, then bought the new toys, and he was none the wiser till he opened the package. Of course, we've had a long time (almost 15 years together) to practice how to make it work for us.

Glad you liked the story! And congratulations on your new home!


It's not too late to run off to Vegas and get married by Elvis at a Drive-Thru Chapel! But then you'd miss Uncle Billy getting drunk and singing the Star Spangled Banner at the reception ... Congratulations and Good Luck...many years of happiness to you both!


Very late mazel tov! It wouldn't be a [i]bad[/i] idea to register somewhere else, if you have the time and think it would be fun. I don't think you even have to go to the stores anymore. Where really depends on whether or not you have any friends/relatives who are wealthy enough to justify the time spent at, say, Crate & Barrel. But in the end you already know what's important and it's not the most expensive coffee maker it's possible to buy. Have a wonderful wedding!