questionswhy is the trend for adult children not to move…

vote-for49vote-against
vote-for14vote-against

Well for me I abandoned all my bridges right as soon as highschool ended and became a real terrible friend. Living in socal rent being freaking expensive and my mom losing her job 5 years ago (then had a mental breakdown so to say) I've had to step up and help out a lot around the house. This has lead me to lose my sanity completely over the last 2 years. The only plus is I can now buy a house instead of renting it and rent out one of the rooms to one of the few local friends I have left. Instead of remting 1100 a month for a 1 bedroom apartment I'll be getting a 2bd townhome that I will own for ~700 a month (which is still ridiculous, but whatever) I don't know what's wrong with you're kid. I love my folks but I'm 24 and can't wait to get the heck out of dodge.

I guess my situation is different from most people who stay at home but what shocked me most is (correct me if I'm wrong) but your son is married with a kid and living at home (yikes) I don't think I could ever do that.

vote-for12vote-against

@cowboydann: Yes, married and with a kid. And he's 30!

They lived with her parents for over a year. It's both of them I think. I'm with you, I left home at 18 with joining the Air Force and became a family of our own.

Problem is, I see this more and more. And parents see nothing wrong with it!

vote-for15vote-against

I really don't personally know any people whose kids moved back in with them, but I imagine it is due to finances not allowing them the ability to survive on their own. If that is NOT the case, I would have no problem suggesting (er no, demanding) that they find a place of their own that is affordable (note I do not say luxurious - just clean and safe). I would have never wanted to live at home - not ever - when I was younger and could make it on my own. Nowadays, that might be impossible to do for some. Then, too, some parents WANT their adult children and grandchildren underfoot all of the time. I don't understand it but different strokes as they say.

vote-for7vote-against

I have a Parent adult issue, can't get the m-i-l out!

vote-for6vote-against

I think the cost of living plays a big factor in it these days, as well as upbringing circumstances.

vote-for8vote-against

I can understand parents helping out their son/daughter as a single college student or temporarily after being laid off. In my day, if you wanted to live at home after 18, you had better be doing something productive to enter the real world. I hate to sound old, but this generation is used to things being given to them and instant gratification. Jeez, the sports system now is afraid to award first place medals for fear of hurting the losing teams feelings. Being easy on kids now does them no favors, parents are not preparing their kids for the real world.

vote-for9vote-against

1. the economy
2. as stated, "this generation" was brought up by former hippies who coddled their kids, allowed them to get away with murder, and never taught them the intrinsic value of hard work. The threat of being homeless/hungry is probably responsible for more wealth creation and human advancement than any other factor. With the threat of starvation, homelessness, and death/disease virtually non-existent in the western world, I fear for the future of western democracies.

Watch a few episodes of COPS or HOARDERS and you will realize most of the people you are seeing would have been taken care of by Darwin in previous generations, but they are now able to survive due to free money from the government.

vote-for9vote-against

I'm 26 and I've seen it a lot in my peer group. Personally, I couldn't do it. I wouldn't be able to respect myself if I asked a girl to marry me either while I was living at home, or would eventually move back home with her. I don't want to bash the people that do, I'm just saying I couldn't do it.

One should get himself financially stable, then, possibly, get hitched and settle down, establishing their own home, in my opinion.

vote-for7vote-against

As one of those kids (age 20) I really have no idea what il be doing when i finish school, I dont imagine that I will be able to move out very soon afterward

I cant even find a minimum wage job right now,even with a pretty good resume from summer jobs I had through High school. there is just nothing out there, Im hoping I can get something once I have my degree, but it is tough around here,

my brother who is 24, with his college degree , works at starbucks + gamestop, and rents a small apartment with a roommate.

vote-for10vote-against

combine it with the fact that many graduates are immediately saddled with 50k of student loans (over 100k if a high ranking school) - most don't get it paid off until close to or just past 30. Never before has the debt-to-age ratio been so high in education. Combine that with continued education (almost a pre-req now) and you've got a child who is in school until almost 30. Not excusing it - but during flush times, kids moved out. now it's harder too. Also with the older generations living longer, and needing more assistance themselves - I often see parents who don't mind the kids staying longer.

But married, and living at home (ie: NOT an elderly parent living with the kids, but the married couple moving back home, or never leaving home)? no way... that's ridiculous.

vote-for5vote-against

My oldest sister just moved back home after some going through some troubles in life. She's 42...
I just turned 22 and the only reason I'm living at home is because I don't have the finances to live on my own. Living in SoCal is ridiculous and I don't know what I'll do after college. Hopefully the student loans aren't too much and I can afford to live somewhere else while paying them off. I want to get out of here. I'm going crazy living here. I think for single females it's okay to live at home if that's their choice. My other two sisters did that until they got into a steady relationship or married. I'm a guy so I don't want to live at home even if I was single. I definitely wouldn't be living at home if I could get out. If I was married with kids I definitely wouldn't feel comfortable living at home.

vote-for7vote-against

I think that there are a lot of factors in this. One of the most important being the shift in the economy. Back just 20 yrs ago a kid could graduate high school and find a good manufacturing job, making decent wages, move out and support themselves quite easily. Now, it is difficult to to survive on one income. If you are married with kids, both parents must work unless one of them makes a lot of money. Also, the way things are now makes it nearly impossible to find a good job. People with college degrees working at retail and fast food places just to make the rent! Imagine that! You would have to swallow your pride and fill out an application at McD's even though you have a Bachelor's Degree! It's rough times right now. I am 36 and I am a stable, single male with no kids. I got lucky and found a decent job and am able to live on my own and support myself with extras pretty comfortably. But, add a wife and kids to the mix and we would be extremely POOR!

vote-for7vote-against

@mtm2 I don't know, man. I'm of the age that is barely on the right side of the laziness movement. Part of me wants to blame your generation of parents/teachers/administrators. I have a little sister who entered a beauty pageant, lost, yet still came home with a trophy -- they called it a "special beauty award." (She was not proud of that; we all love to kid her still.)

How can we expect anything great, or even barely above average, when we reward mediocrity?

Pain is a powerful teacher. But by trying to eliminate pain from kids' lives, pain has merely been postponed and amplified. You will probably experience that once you shove them out of the nest (and you should).

I know -- easy for me to say since I don't have grown children. I don't have to be a child raising expert to see the source of the problem, though.

vote-for9vote-against

I moved out the summer I graduated from high school... while in college, I worked 2 jobs to pay my tuition and rented a room off campus because it was cheaper... never moved back home, never asked for help.

I can completely understand financial difficulties (in the case of one of your sons) and moving back home temporarily. However, the one that is 30 and has his wife and kid there... I can't help but ponder the following...

1. How's your relationship with them? As in, do they help out with utilities, chores, groceries, etc. ??? If they are helpful, perhaps they are there because they want to take care of you and your wife?

2. Are they financially capable of being on their own? If they are driving nice cars, buying expensive things, and not helping you and your wife out then they've gotta go! They are taking advantage of you guys.

vote-for6vote-against

I think the macroeconomic answer is that housing costs have risen at a pace a few multiples higher than wages have risen. It's tough. I'm in a north Jersey suburb and you can't find a studio in a "safe" town or part of town for less than $750-800 plus utilities. Obviously that's specific to here, a high cost of living area, but I think the trend exists outside of this area.

Couple that with the job market, especially for younger people, and it all adds up. Aside from it being tough to find jobs, a lot of people don't feel secure in jobs they have, so they're not willing to take the risk of leaving the nest.

A lot of my peers (I'm 26) graduated from college 3 or 4 years ago, saw a tough job market, and went back to school for a while. Now they're graduating law school/med school/whatever, the job market is still tough (especially for law grads) and now they have a ton more debt.

That said, it can still work... just pick a good major and work hard :)

vote-for9vote-against

Chuck E. Cheese gives 3 tickets per game even if the kid just stands there picking their nose. Consider that for a moment. I find it worse than the "trophies for all" thing because at least the kids made some effort to participate in the game, pageant, or what have you. We don't go there and still won't when future kid #2 reaches the appropriate age for it.

I ran afoul of life, had to leave school, and was living with my father for a few years. It made me feel awful, even with buying my own groceries (yes, I was working whenever I could find and keep a job not leaving for another state/country/becoming automated) and acting as cook and maid for my father and little brother. This is why I can't understand 20-30 somethings who seem to lack the motivation to move out. Parents do their best to provide for us, and then its our turn to go out there and do the same for ourselves and our children. Sometimes I think that no one ever told these "kids" they'd have to grow up eventually.

vote-for4vote-against

I'm a 23 year old who has lived on her own for 4 years now. Due to my financial situation changing in a few months, I'm considering moving back in with my parents until I can get another job.

My parents are excited to have me around, and they understand that they have more resources than I do in my current situation, as long as I "use their resources as a stepping stool rather than a footrest".

I realize that some people my age are not likely to treat a free ride as a springboard, but I am motivated to regain my independence.

vote-for4vote-against

@dmaz

You were raised with good "old school" values. Stay true to those values and you will be successful in whatever you choose to do. It may be a bumpy ride sometimes, but that's life.

vote-for2vote-against

Like so many of you, I left home after high school. Scholarships covered pretty much everything. I only worked for pocket money and experience. Of course, college was cheaper then, as were living expenses. I expected my kids to have similar projectories, but it hasn't worked out that way. My 26 year old son, although brilliant in many ways, has Aspergers Syndrome and is affected in such a way that I don't anticipate that he will be able to live on his own for a while. Our daughter is 22 and "normal" (we like to refer to folks like this as "neurotypical"). She moved out for several months to attend school in another state, but has been unable to find a job in her field so she continues to plod through a clerical job I got for her. She is planning to marry next year. I don't see how they can afford to live on their own at their current salaries, but they sure aren't living HERE! I have friends who bemoan their empty nests, while I am BEGGING for my nest to empty out.

vote-for-1vote-against

If your adult "kids" are still mooching at home, it's because you as a parent failed to prepare them for life as a functional person. More and more people should be proven to be qualified to raise a child, both emotionally and financially, before being allowed to do so. Breeding out of control is simply not sustainable.

vote-for3vote-against

@kayak206: Sorry I would have to disagree. I had to stay with a parent for about 6 months to get back on my feet or I might have drawn that process out a couple years. I don't agree with years of a kid staying with a parent but sometimes you just need to help out.

My experience was $11/hr to making mid 6 figures. I wouldn't be where I am today if we didn't have that support.

Now like I said, I have the opposite problem now and am supporting that parent.

vote-for3vote-against

Another interesting thought is that in many cultures it is traditional for the extended family to share a home. In my neighborhood we have several such families with multiple generations sharing one huge house. (Seriously huge in a couple of cases.) In fact, while flying out of Boston a few years ago my seatmate, a lifelong Bostonian of Italian descent, as I recall, told me that he and his wife shared a home with his parents and grandparents, each generation taking a different floor. He also told me that this was a family tradition for several generations back. Perhaps we've gotten spoiled as Americans over the last few decades and expect that everyone will be able (and should) have their own home. As long as each generation sharing a home conttributes their fair share as they are able, this might be a good thing in the current economy.

vote-for2vote-against

@foonatic: My biggest frustration is the attitude. I don't coddle the kids and they know it, but of course, there's a soft place in my heart for the grandson. If not for that they could really be living out of their car right now.

The rest of the story...the daughter-in-law is a whiner to say the least and ran home to momma because her grandmother (her mother's mother) was having a SLIGHTLY difficult time. She complains to everyone and thinks we don't know. (People should remember that when you post it on FACESPACE it ain't private.) She feels her family can't live without her. (By the way, after she ran home, they told her GET BACK TO YOUR HUSBAND WHERE YOU BELONG!)

We've about had it...and I'm not happy that I feel that way about my daughter-in-law but my kids were raised to know YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF and she feels everyone else needs to take care of her. That puts the son in a bad spot.

vote-for2vote-against

Thanks for the feedback folks. I do understand the $ thing, but it's the ATTITUDE that I have a problem with. There is a difference between "I would if I could" and "I don't really care".

vote-for1vote-against

I blame it partially on "precious little snowflake" syndrome.