Deals.Woot

I suppose if it was more about celebrating their life instead of grieving over their death, I could see that.

The sad truth about death is that it often brings out the worst in people. I see it often, and I simply accept that people who are ordinarily good, and kind, lose their civilized edges in their grief, lashing out at anyone, and over trifles.

At most, you could simply say something like "gee, I didn't even look to see what I'd put on, this was just something I grabbed. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I know how you are suffering." Just deflect, and move the topic back to the true issue. Someone they loved is gone, and you're there to pay respect.

Just let it go.

depends on the person being sent off. Some people would prefer that sort of thing at their own funeral/wake/memorial.

I had a friend that died in her early 20's, and in honor of her spirit we did something at the funeral that she would have gotten a kick out of... We took the "funeral" stickers they put on your windshield for the drive to the cemetery and cut them apart and reorganized the letters to read "real fun". About 4 or 5 cars had this done, and her mom told us the next day that it put a brief smile on her face thinking this was something her daughter would have laughed at.

I'd say forget about, unless the people who complained were immediate family (parent/brother/sister/child) of the deceased. If they WERE immediate family, give them a few weeks and then the next time you see them, apologize and offer a brief explanation that no disrespect was intended. If they were NOT immediate family, screw 'em.

I do think it depends on the person, the family, the expected atmosphere and all that.

At the funeral of one coworker, they played the Simpson's theme song and we all had donuts to eat afterwards. It was very fitting of him. When a fairly young pastor died, the family threw a "celebration of life" party for his kids and their frieds. There was ice cream sundaes with lots of gummy bears (a family favorite). It was to help the kids understand that death is sad, but that Jesus promises resurrection and a new Earth where all the sad things will be made untrue (to paraphrase Tolkien). Even at his actual funeral, there was a lighter atmosphere than someone might expect.

But I've also been to the very somber, more quiet, reserved funerals. So, yeah, it depends.

As long as you're dressed in a way that you feel is appropriate and helps you mourn the deceased, I don't see a problem. I think people feel very "not in control" when they lose someone and in their grief, try to regain that "control" by asserting their judgement or authority on others. Forgive them, they are very lost and will find themselves again soon.

I consider a funeral to be a celebration of the person's life and I dress with that in mind. I won't wear a flowery sundress but I'm not going in all black either. I also won't do viewings. I prefer to remember the person in my mind and heart.

When my ex (son's father) died this summer, we requested that people wear Hawaiian shirts to the funeral. That was what he ALWAYS wore. His family loved the idea and all the family and pall bearers wore them. It made the funeral more of a celebration of the happy times - revisiting his life and his impact on others - than a grieving at the loss.

YMMV with your own family and acquaintances but that's my approach.

As to those that confronted you about your attire, the problem was theirs, not yours.

Thanks all. I chose to remember the great times with my friend instead of his loss. I can understand from your postings that everyone may have different feelings. So, unless a specific attire is requested (Hawaiian shirts), then it might be better to go traditional.