questionsany tips for a soon-to-be husband?


Yeah, go find a deals site and ask for some personal advice.



She should always be the most important person to you - and you to her. THAT will keep your marriage alive. It's worked for us and 33+ years.

And you should always get the last words in on any argument - "Yes, dear."


@mtm2: trust me, i've learned that one already :)


Happy wife=happy life :-)


Remember, what's hers is hers and what's yours is hers.


NEVER, EVER say - That's not how Mom does it. Trust me, just don't say it. Even if you mean it as a complement. It will be heard wrong and taken wrong and you will be in a world of trouble.
I've been married 30 years and my husband said that to me twice, early in our marriage. Silly man, he didn't learn that once was enough. lol
Congrats on the upcoming wedding. Enjoy your life together. Be each others best friend, but not the only friend.


It's an elaborate ruse!
run away
as fast as you can
as far as you can
don't look back
Vegas is waiting.

j5 j5

You do not need her permission to do anything and viceversa. Tha being said, try to always make them happy by running stuff past each other often.


don't drop the soap in the shower.

no wait, that's for a convicted felon.


The one thing I've learned after ten years with my wife, nearing six of them as married, is that it is more important to know what not to say than it is to know what to say. As you spend a life with someone, you let down many of the social guard rails that determine how you behave. You can be more blunt, honest, and reactionary with this person because you are life partners. I've always been known as a smart mouth, literally ever since I can remember, and the occasionally held tongue has done heaps of good for my marriage.


The best relationship advice I ever heard was on Bill Cosby's "Kids Say the Darndest Things". There was a little kid, maybe 6 years old, on stage, and people in the audience were asking him advice. One guy stood up and said he was always fighting with his girlfriend about what to watch on TV, what should he do about it? The kid asked, "Do you like this girl?" The guy replied, "Yes, very much." The kid responded, "Then learn to like her shows." There's a profound wisdom in that idea. Learn to love what the person you love loves.

Here's some really good advice as well:


You have a few days still. Ask yourself "why?" I think a lot of people do this for the wrong reasons (honestly, I don't know what the "right" reason is). I got married due to a pregnancy. My son is hands-down the greatest thing on the planet but being married has absolutely nothing to do with that (or anything else other than a tax status). I love my wife but after about three years of marriage, I still have no idea what the purpose of it is. Read the posts above this and think about whether you want to live your life watching what you say, getting in regular arguments and constantly buying presents.


Things will go wrong (both on the wedding day and afterwards). Don't stress too much about it, just fix it and move forward together.


Don't make a big deal out of small stuff.


Listen, listen, listen.

and make her laugh.

SO far that's worked for me... :)


Listen to your partner rather than seeking the advice of strangers from the internet.


Agree on the small stuff answer. If you sweat the petty stuff, you will never pet the sweatty stuff.


If you wouldn't leave them for it, is it worth arguing about it? Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes no - but man it's worth knowing that going into a discussion.
Also, no name calling. At all. It just escalates so much fast when you call each other rude names.


Rule #1 Your Wife is always Right
Rule #2 See Rule # 1


First I have been married for 14 years. I miss her when I am at work, and I can barely function when she goes out of town for a fancy lawyer meeting.

I always thought the "be afraid of your wife" stuff was sad. I would not want to be married to someone so emotionally unstable that I would need to tread lightly constantly in hopes she doesn't get pissed at me.

So my advice is : Always be honest, and love her for who she is .. not for who you want her to be.


It's important to spend time with each other but its also important to have alone time.

One thing I would highly recommend before getting married is to consider in your mind marriage as a commitment for life. Don't even contemplate the the possibility of divorce. I believe that divorce is right for some people, but you don't want to go into a marriage thinking that its a possibility for your marriage or you're going to have a rough time. A proper mind set can make a world of difference.

Make sure that your marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship. Compromise or give and take will make you both much happier in the long run. When you can do menial chores/work together, doing the dishes together is much more enjoyable than doing them alone.

Don't be afraid to fight. It's much better for you or her to get it off your chest, just make sure your wife knows you love her and fighting isn't going to change that.

Congratulations and welcome to the happiest years of your life.


Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

(continues in next post...)

no1 no1

Do one thing every day that scares you.


Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.


Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.


Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

(continues in next post...)

no1 no1

[snip] Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.


no1 no1

Listen to her when she needs to vent, and at least seem like you are engaged in what she is saying and then just be there for her. Don't try to solve her problems, just listening is important.

And Congratulations!! Best Wishes for Saturday!!


I've only been married for about 2.5 years, so don't consider me an expert, but here are some thoughts that come to mind.

Your marriage is not the same as anyone else's. If it works for the two of you, then do it. Just because it's "normal" doesn't mean you need to do it, feel it, etc.

Say "thank you". I love that when one of us does something around the house (hold a door, take out the trash, wash the dishes, etc.), we say 'thank you'. It reminds us that we're grateful for each other and all the little things that we do for each other. It's not taken for granted that these things are done.

This one differs per the couple, but for us, it's important to have some "alone time". Sometimes that alone time happens while we're in the same room (I read while he plays a video game) and sometimes it's going out with friends separately, etc. It makes us grateful for the time we spend together and even gives us more to talk about.

NEVER lose your sense of humor. EVER.

(cont. next)


From what I understand it's strongly recommended that you not cheat on your wife.


Have a talk where you agree that no matter what you fight about or how terrible the fight gets, you're never going to end a fight with "We're getting divorced!" Early in our time living together pre-marriage we had our only knock-down, drag-out awful terrible no-good fight. I told him to get out and he did. I spent the next 30 mins. driving around the neighborhood trying to find him because I didn't actually mean for him to leave. We had a talk right then, confirming that that's never how we'll end it. We both have tempers, but we love each other and we're in it for the long haul. I think it's actually lessened our fights. We talk through things. Couldn't even tell you the last time I yelled at home when it wasn't at a cat.

It's a little late for this one, but don't be someone you're not. Lay all your cards on the table prior to tying the knot. Don't want kids? Absolutely despise punk music even though she loves it? Think all homes should be purple? Tell her now.


Say it with me: "yes dear"


@drsilentg: I almost forgot - CONGRATULATIONS!
(Also, make sure you both have a stash of a protein bar or something that day. People hate to let you take a minute to eat.)


I've been married for 3 months so far. Here's my $.02:

Ask for her help, even when you don't think you need it.

Compromise. Laugh. Tell her she's beautiful. Know when to shut up. Be honest.

Have fun!


Don't forget your sandwich!

j5 j5

You've gotten some great (and lovely) advice here. The only thing I would like to add is that you should both be prepared to put some work into the marriage, especially if you haven't been co-habiting. No one can get under your skin more than someone you love and spend most of your time with. Adjusting to a shared life, shared money, shared bills, shared responsibilities, etc. will take time. As my new FIL was driving DH and I from our wedding to our reception, I turned to my new husband and said something that he still talks about: "In my family, we don't divorce our men, we bury them." That was 31 years ago last May. It hasn't always been smooth or even easy, but it's always been worth it. God bless you and best wishes with your new and exciting life!


@benyust2: I hope to GAWD your wife doesn't visit Deals.Woot. For your sake.

And if she does, well.. Godspeed my friend.


Always know where your towel is.


Well, after 8 years of marriage I can share just a shred of advice.

Everything changes. Yes, it does. Even if you have been living together for years, the next year will be different.
Don't storm out mad or leave her upset, she is now your wife. Not a girlfriend or someone you brush off. Go to bed with things resolved. You will sleep better and wake up next to her happy.
Be open and talk about money. It is the primary killer in marriages. Have a don't ask spending limit (ours is $50). Anything over that, talk to her first. You'll find that the answer is almost always yes, but let her be a backup conscience and you the same for her.
Dates don't end when you get married, they just get less uncomfortable. Take her out, show her she is the most important thing in this world and she will do the same.
Give her flowers or a small gift, but not on "big days" like Valentines. Expected gifts are appreciated but unexpected amaze.
Listen. Remember. Ask. She will appreciate it.


@retorak: Great advice. It means the world to my wife when I help her empty the dishwasher. And it makes me just melt when I come home to see her shoveling the driveway even though I know I can knock it out with the snowblower - the effort is just too sweet to ignore.

I don't care if she works at a gas station - ask her about her day. Let her tell you about her day and how rough it was. It doesn't matter if she is a stay at home mom or a career person, we all need that outlet. Be that person for her.

And as @retorak said, don't be afraid to fight or argue. If you deal with the little things head on, the big things will fall in place.



Remember to SAY or write "I love you" or something often, daily is prefered.

When you are tired, frustrated and/or angry bite your tongue. You can really hurt the one you love because you know them and love them. You will have pet peeves and annoyances. Learn to live with them or wait and discuss them when you are calm and rested. It is not worth the life you want together to get upset over the small stuff and nearly everything is small stuff.

Best wishes and congrats!


Courthouse wedding ftw! As a deal hunter, she'll appreciate it.