Asus TF300 RED Transformer Pad 10.1" Tablet with Asus Mobile Keyboard Dock (Refurbished) for $299.99 + $5.00 shipping
And anyway, you'll be able to enjoy going online and reading about all those great cartoons of the past. C'mon, take the plunge. They're never going to release a tablet named "Serpentor" or anything. This is as close as you get.