dealstexas instruments ba ii plus professional…

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I'm trying to use this in my college algebra class -- because everyone needs to know how to graph a logarithmic function of a quartic equation to an infinite exponent divided by an irrational, imaginary number multiplied by the compound interest of $500 compounded quarterly at 12% interest for 30 years using only a No. 2 pencil, synthetic division [contains 100% polyester] and Descartes Rule of Street Signs [if the signs change while driving forward they are really positive zeroes and if they change while driving backward they are really negative zeroes, but either way they are just a bunch of zeroes..., really!] Then transform it by shifting it nine units to the left, four units up and eight ways to Sunday.)

Why didn't I get the TI-89 Plus Titanium like everyone told me?